He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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