I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
