We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
