...so i touched it.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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