Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
