will power is for people who don't want to get laid
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
