this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize