singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
