Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
