why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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