The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
