wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize