There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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