Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
