I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
