The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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