So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
