Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I can text with my tongue
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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