Did you just see the Batmobile???
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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