Yo dont text me then not text me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
