It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
