Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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