when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
