I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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