And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
