Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
barbara walters just said penis...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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