i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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