I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think your dad took our porno
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize