Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
