So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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