I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
