Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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