Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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