Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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