before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
