I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
