So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
