I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
