When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
