Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
