idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
