my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
