i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
