Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
