Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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