You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
