fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
bring money and cleavage
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
