I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize