Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
