Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
