I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
