dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
