Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I will be naked everywhere
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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