wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize