We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize