In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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