youre lurking in front of me
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
