What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
