yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
