Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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