fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I deserve to be covered in dicks
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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