Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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