Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
