none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
