I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
