You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
