He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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