I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize